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  “What happened?” Eric asked.

  Michi pulled her phone from her pocket and searched for a video. The one where Riku was having a bit of a temper tantrum, angry at the radish, looking at it like he couldn’t believe it had betrayed him. Then finally trying to rebury it in the dirt. “He has a temper sometimes,” she said, laughing at a video she had laughed at a hundred times before.

  “Can’t blame him, expecting something to be one way only to find out you’re entirely wrong. I’d have buried it back in the dirt, too.”

  “He’s going to love having you as a father,” she said.

  “And that doesn’t scare you?”

  “Of course it does. Turning control of my son over to anyone scares me. But for the first time I see Riku’s future and I finally understand there must be more than me in it. A sick baby needs his mom, but a rambunctious toddler, which is what he’s going to be, needs more than that.”

  “Michi, I’m not the sort who’ll get tangled up in the parent thing for a while then back off it. I know that’s what you’re afraid of because all you’ve seen of me is how I back off. From surgery. From one night we both know should have been more. I keep thinking if I’d only woken you up and told you why I had to go we might not be where we are now. And I’m not talking about Riku. I mean, maybe you would have trusted me more when you found out you were pregnant, even come to me for support.

  “But what you saw was a man who was always backing out the door. And while that’s not my nature, it’s all you had to go by. So, I do understand your doubts about me.

  “But, please, don’t assume that I’ll back out the door once I’ve had enough of being a father. I’ll admit it scares me. I don’t have a very good example to follow. But if love counts for anything, I do love that little boy with all my heart.”

  “It was never about you being his father, Eric. It was about you deciding you didn’t want to be his father. I didn’t want my son starting off his life being rejected, and I wasn’t sure you wouldn’t do that.”

  “What do you think now?”

  “I think you mean what you say.”

  “But?”

  “But I need to take this one step at a time. I’m not going to keep you away from your son, but I don’t know how we’re going to work out the details yet. And right now I can’t think about that.”

  “Fair enough,” he said. “But just so you know, I’m in this all the way, Michi. Not just for Riku but for you.”

  “That’s what I want. I really do. But, like I said, now’s not the time for this to be happening. I can’t deal with more than I already am. And in the meantime, I have a toddler to get ready for the day, even though the day is about more pre-surgery tests. We have this little ritual every morning, if you’d care to be part of it.”

  “Are you sure you want me there? Or if Riku would want me there? Because as much as I want to be part of everything, I also don’t want to disrupt his life, especially in the things he’s come to count on.”

  “Maybe it’s time to let him see how he can count on you.”

  “So, what’s this morning routine?” he asked.

  “After the normal bath, breakfast things, we do ‘The Wheels on the Bus.’ Do you know that song?”

  “In English?”

  She shook her head, laughing. “Not unless you teach him the English version. But now it’s all about the Japanese.”

  “And I’ll look silly, not knowing it.”

  “Maybe if you just do the hand gestures while I sing.”

  “Only if I can teach him ‘Mary Had a Little Lamb.’”

  “He already knows that. In Japanese.”

  “‘Twinkle Twinkle, Little Star’?”

  “In Japanese.”

  “How about ‘The Poor Father Who Couldn’t Speak Japanese’? Does he know that song?”

  “Not yet. But give him time. He’ll figure it out.”

  “That’s what I was afraid of.”

  “So, are you in or out?”

  “Where Riku’s concerned, you don’t have to ask. And the title of that song in English is ‘I’ll Be There.’”

  “I hope so, Eric. I really hope so.”

  * * *

  “Would you like a glass of water or maybe a cup of tea?”

  Michi was sitting in the rocking chair next to the crib, holding Riku and singing a quiet song to him while Eric put away the baby lotion and bathing supplies. He almost hated to disturb that moment, it was so beautiful, but Michi wasn’t taking care of herself. And as this was, essentially, his first time with his son, he was nervous, and he hoped Riku wouldn’t sense that.

  “I would love some tea, but I think I’d like to go get it for myself while you sit here with him.”

  It was still early morning, but activities were picking up. Doctors on rounds. Nurses starting their assigned duties. Dietary bringing food, not so much for the tiny patients but for the parents who sat vigil and didn’t take care of themselves. Parents like Michi, who looked so tired and pale as the morning light peeked through the blinds and betrayed her exhaustion. She’d borne this burden for so long alone, it was showing on her. Yet she wouldn’t stop, not for a minute. Wouldn’t even slow down. “Are you OK to do that? You look...”

  “Tired?” she asked. “I’ve been tired for a while now. And there’s only one cure.” She scooted to the edge of the chair and gestured Eric over to her. “He’s not a very sound sleeper, so don’t worry if you wake him. He sleeps when his body tells him it’s time.”

  “And your body?” he asked, lifting Riku gently into his arms, then stepping aside as Michi stood up.

  “As the commercial on television says, it keeps on ticking. I’m fine, Eric. I appreciate your concern, but I’ve learned how to get through almost anything.” She headed to the door. “Can I bring you anything?”

  “I don’t need anything, but you do, so why don’t you go find a place to sleep for a while?”

  “I... I don’t sleep well if I’m not near Riku. And I really do want to be here when Henry comes back with the test results.”

  “Well, go do what you need to do, but don’t worry. I’m here. Riku will be fine.”

  “I know that,” she said, smiling. “Just be patient with me for a little while. It’s difficult adjusting to having one more person involved, and that’s my problem to overcome. Not yours.”

  Riku opened his eyes and looked up at Eric, stared at him for a moment, then snuggled in against his chest. “We’ll work it out, Michi. But you do need to take care of yourself. So, go find a quiet place to sleep, and I’ll call you when we know something. Doctor’s orders,” he said, smiling.

  “Thank you, Doctor. You’re too good. You know that, don’t you?”

  “I hope I come someplace close to that,” he said. “Maybe in time I will. Oh, and thank you for the father-son time.”

  She took one long look, smiled, then turned and walked away. She was a good mother to Riku. The best. No mother could have given more and he was grateful for that. And maybe somewhere inside that gratitude he would find the forgiveness she needed. Because the more he saw of her, and the more he saw her devotion, the more he was beginning to understand what a rough situation she’d been in almost from the moment they’d slept together.

  The fight in her spirit...that was certainly new to him. So was the fierceness with which she took care of their son. While there’d been a time when he’d thought he could fall in love, what he was feeling now was admiration and even pride. Michi was everything he’d thought he’d loved, and so much more.

  “You have a pretty great mother,” he said to Riku, who was staring up at him. “But in your own way I’m sure you already know that. What I’m hoping is that, in time, you’ll also come to realize you have a pretty great dad, because that’s what I intend to be to you. Everything that my father wasn’t to me. I prom
ise you that, Riku. However this works out, I’ll be a part of your life.” A substantial part, he hoped.

  “So, what do we do now? Do you go back to sleep while your daddy sits here and rocks you? Or do we have a man-to-man talk? Your choice, little man. Because anything you want to do, your daddy wants to be part of it.”

  Riku’s response was to squirm in Eric’s arms, then mumble a couple of words Eric didn’t understand. “What’s that? You want your daddy to teach you how to play baseball? When you’re older and you understand how to moderate yourself in your activities, I can certainly do that. And teach you to swim. Maybe we’ll go camping. Do you think you’ll love nature? It sure is a beautiful world out there now that you’re in it.”

  Tears welled up in Eric’s eyes as Riku smiled at him. Such a beautiful smile. Such a beautiful boy. An old song came to mind, one he remembered his mother singing. Something about baby resting his head close to mommy or daddy’s heart, never to part... And, as he sang the song quietly, the words rang so true because he wouldn’t part, not from Riku.

  Outside, in the hall, standing just to the side of the door so he wouldn’t see her, tears streamed down Michi’s face. The song Eric was trying to recall was the song Riku loved the most. “Baby Mine.” Eric was going to be a wonderful father to Riku. She sniffled back more tears then headed off to find a place to sleep. For the first time in ever so long she knew she would. Riku was safe with Eric and Eric would give his life for his son. Of that, she had no doubt.

  * * *

  “I put him back in his crib about an hour ago,” Eric said. He was leaning on the hall wall outside Riku’s room so as not to waken him. “We talked for about an hour, then he finally went back to sleep. And you?”

  “Two blissful hours. Thank you.”

  “We’re in this together, you know. When you need to sleep, or simply get away for a little while, I’ll stay with him if that’s what you want.” She looked rested, but not enough, and if he could, he would have taken her back to his house, put her to bed, maybe gone to bed with her simply to hold her, and let her sleep as long as she needed. But Michi wasn’t going to do that, and he understood the reason. Even two hours with his son made him realize there were so many responsibilities ahead—ones he didn’t know about, ones his father had never taken seriously with him. And being there when your child was sick was one of the most important.

  “I appreciate that, but you’ve got to understand it’s hard letting go. Earlier...that was the first time I’ve ever walked away from him and left him in the hands of someone other than my family.”

  “But I’m Riku’s family.”

  “I know. And I think Riku knows as well. But it’s still difficult for me. So, any test results yet?”

  “I just talked to Henry, as a matter of fact, and he’ll be here shortly to discuss options with us.”

  “What kind of options?” she asked, her voice now on the edge of panic. “I thought at this point we just do the surgery.”

  “Well, Henry has his ways. He’s very methodical.” He looked into Riku’s room and his gaze went immediately to the monitors. Old habits. “He’s on an up and down curve right now. That’s why he’s on the infant cannula for oxygen now instead of being in the tent. He’s showing improvement, Michi, which is a good thing, especially with surgery coming up so soon.”

  “I was hoping you’d tell me my miracle baby had experienced some kind of miracle cure.”

  “That’s what the surgery is. And once you finally get to meet Henry, I think you’ll be a lot more confident.”

  “If he’s anything like Leroy Watson, I’m sure that will make me feel better.”

  “So, you like your men bold?”

  “I knew a bold man once.”

  “And?”

  “And he became a terrific father. Story still in progress.”

  “You mean the part where you stood out in the hall for fifteen minutes, listening to my pathetic attempt at a lullaby.”

  “Very bold,” she said.

  “Very bad,” he responded. “And I think the only reason he went to sleep so easily was so he wouldn’t have to listen to me.”

  “Or because he felt safe. ‘Baby of mine.’ That’s his favorite, Eric.”

  “My mother used to sing it,” he said. “It’s one of the few things I remember about her, to be honest. I think the song made me feel...”

  “Safe, the way it makes Riku feel. You have a good fathering instinct. I know you don’t trust that yet, but it’s there.”

  “How about we go back into the room, take our respective recliners and wait for Henry?”

  As the sun peeked in through the blinds, it was Eric who dozed off while Michi stayed awake, marveling at how right this felt. Her two men sleeping while she kept watch over them. Except for the circumstances, it would have almost been perfect.

  CHAPTER SEVEN

  “I CAN’T BELIEVE it’s so late,” Eric said, stretching his back.

  “It’s ten,” she said.

  “I’m assuming in the morning.” This was the part about being a surgeon he didn’t miss. The off-on schedule. Sleep for an hour or two. Operate. Do rounds. Doze. Back at it. It almost felt like he’d never left his practice because there’d been days where he literally hadn’t known if he’d been waking up at night or during the day. Loss of orientation was one of the hazards of the profession. Back then. Not now. His day, his company, his people carried on whether he was there or sleeping in at home. Which he didn’t do...force of habit. But the difference was that in one place he’d been essential, in another place he wasn’t so much.

  “In the morning, and Henry stopped in a little while ago. He didn’t want to disturb your sleep, so he’ll be back as soon as I text him.” She handed him a cup of coffee and pointed to a plate with pastries. “Courtesy of my uncle. He sent them over earlier and said he’ll bring us a proper meal a little later.”

  “So, you didn’t discuss...” He stifled a yawn as he scooted toward the edge of the recliner.

  “No. I thought whatever he had to say was something we both should hear. Which is why I asked him to come back.”

  Pushing himself up, he went to Riku’s crib and looked down, expecting to see him sleeping. But Riku was wide awake, smiling. “Is he always happy in the morning?” he asked, turning to take the coffee.

  “Always.”

  “Then he must get that from you because I hate mornings. Always have.”

  “Even when you were operating?”

  “I functioned, and I made sure I was ready for it, but I didn’t start my surgical schedule until eleven unless it was an emergency or I was overbooked. Came in around eight, caught up on charts for an hour, went on morning rounds with my residents, visited the family of my surgical patient, and by the time I’d done all that I was ready to operate. And, yes, you now know my deepest secret.” He turned to Riku. “Your daddy doesn’t do mornings very well, but I’ll bet your mommy does.”

  “By this time, Riku and I are both ready to face the day, and if it’s a nice morning we may already be back from a walk in the park. Oh, and I may have gotten in an hour of tutoring by now.”

  “Well, in my life now I’m already at work, Natalie has been yammering on about something I don’t really care about for at least twenty minutes, and there are anywhere from three to five empty coffee cups on my desk.” He walked over to the table next to Michi’s recliner and selected a pastry—cream cheese. “Going out in the field isn’t so bad. In fact, I like it, exploring old buildings or land. Those are the good days. The bad ones keep me at my desk or tie me up in meetings. I don’t like being sedentary.”

  “Even with his condition and limitations, I try to make sure Riku isn’t sedentary. Partly because he needs the mental stimulation but also because I’m preparing him for the future when he’ll be able to resume normal activities...up to a point.” She bent
over the crib, rearranged a few tubes, and picked him up and simply held him to her chest. “When I was pregnant, and spending so much time in bed, I read every book I could on raising a baby. There are so many authorities, so many opinions. But in the end none of the so-called experts told you what to do if your child was sick. So, for me it’s always been about using common sense.”

  “Maybe you should write a book,” he suggested.

  “Or we could, together. You from the medical perspective on raising a sick child, me from the emotional or mothering perspective.”

  “Which would suggest a relationship of some kind,” he said, smiling. “Which means you’d write it then add my name as an afterthought?”

  Michi blushed. “I suppose I deserve that, don’t I?” She sat down in the rocker next to the crib, taking care not to jostle or loosen any of Riku’s tubes or wires. She repositioned the oxygen cannula under his nose, and taped it back into place. “After what I’ve done.”

  Eric picked up a pineapple pastry and offered it to her, but she shook her head and looked down at Riku, as if he was the reason she couldn’t or wouldn’t eat. “Look, Michi, it’s over. We can’t go back. What I lost is lost, but I won’t be put in that spot again. I won’t allow it but, more than that, I don’t believe you will allow it either. So from now on it’s forward. No looking back. No anger. No guilt. None of that helps any of us.”