Her Secret Miracle Read online

  CHAPTER TEN

  MORNING CAME SLOWLY, and the aches and pains from sleeping in the recliner next to Riku’s bed were testament to that. Her frame was small, and it felt like the chair had mangled her. She looked over at the next recliner, surprised to find Eric there. He must have come back sometime in the night, even though he hadn’t said a word to her one way or another what he would do.

  The night had gone so...well, not wrong as much as off track. There’d been so many things she’d wanted to say, wanted to find out and talk about. But the proximity was driving them past the point of normal conversation to a place neither of them wanted to go. Not yet. So she’d returned by cab, made sure everything was as good as it could be in Riku’s world, then reread the text from Eric that told her he’d see her first thing in the morning.

  Twice after that he’d texted her the sweetest goodnights. So sweet she’d nodded off with a smile on her face. And now here was morning, and she was seeing him first thing, as he’d promised. The excitement of having him there with her caused her heart to do a little flip-flop. Maybe soon they’d be able to wake up the normal way. Wrapped in each other’s arms. Glad to be there. Mussed from the night yet ready to make love in the morning.

  “Did I miss something?” he asked, his eyes half-shut, waking up about thirty minutes after Michi did.

  “Apparently I did—when you came in.”

  “Didn’t want to disturb you, you were sleeping so peacefully. Except for that snore, of course.” He looked out the corner of his eye at her. “You must have been tired because it was really loud.”

  “I don’t snore,” she insisted behind a giggle.

  He scratched his head. “Must have been a distant fog horn.” He chuckled and wiggled his phone in her face. “It records. Just sayin’.”

  “You wouldn’t dare,” she said, snatching it out of his hand.

  “Try me and see.”

  “Why, that almost sounds like a proposition of some sort.”

  Eric blushed and didn’t say a word, which disappointed her. She like their lighter moments. Liked enjoying his humor, liked laughing with him. But their conversation was getting dangerously close to a place he obviously didn’t want to go, so she changed the subject. “He’ll need a morning bath...just a sponge off. Clean clothes. Breakfast. You’re welcome to do any or all of it. Or none of it. But, personally, I find his morning routine a great bonding time.”

  She wasn’t sure what to make of Eric’s switch in attitude. He changed back and forth so often she wasn’t sure what he really wanted. Time would tell, she supposed. And, as of now, she faced two months of it in New York before Riku would be able to fly home.

  Eric finally stood, stretched, and went to the side of the crib. His first action wasn’t to assess Riku like a doctor, the way Michi thought he would. No, it was to hold out his index finger to Riku, who immediately grabbed hold. “It gives them confidence,” he said, holding out his other index finger to Michi. “Glad I didn’t bother you last night because you were sleeping so soundly and peacefully. I tried hard to be as quiet as I could.”

  “I wasn’t sure if you’d come.”

  “I wasn’t sure if you’d want me. But I had to come, Michi. Had to take the risk because you and Riku are...everything.”

  “I gave our situation some thought, Eric. Where your place should be with Riku, where my place should be with you, and yours with me.”

  “And?”

  “And I wonder why we’re both so afraid to come right out and admit what we want. Is it because I was accused of trying to harm Riku, or because you were rejected by your father? These things shouldn’t shape us, Eric. We shouldn’t allow them to, yet they keep coming back to haunt us, don’t they? Me afraid you’ll see something in me that makes me look like a bad mother. You afraid you’ll turn out like your father.”

  Offering his finger was the first overture he’d made since sometime yesterday—she was too tired to remember when—and she was glad of it. It didn’t mean much, but it was a start. So, as she stood there holding on, she felt the connection, and there was nothing tentative or tenuous about it. The three of them...they were a family. Did Eric feel it, too? “He wants to be picked up and held. Doesn’t understand why his mommy won’t do that since he counts on her for it.”

  “With all the children I’ve worked with—the tiny ones, the very young ones—I’ve always wondered what they think when their world is taken away from them and replaced with all this. You know it’s got to scare them to death, but kids are such mighty warriors. They’re better at accepting the difficulties than most adults are.”

  “And Riku is the mightiest,” she said, allowing Riku to take hold of her finger, somehow creating a complete bond between the three of them. “I just wish...”

  “What?”

  “That there was some way through this that wasn’t so awkward.”

  “Everything worthwhile takes time.”

  “You always make things seem so simple.”

  “Trust me, they’re not.” He picked up a soft blue baby cloth and washed areas of Riku that were exposed, then blotted Riku’s hair dry. “Especially when you’re on the outside, looking in.”

  “Like you are?”

  “Like I am.”

  She picked up a clean hospital blanket and covered Riku after Eric managed to get him into a small hospital gown. Poor Riku, he looked so frail it broke her heart. So did Eric. But that would change for all of them. Riku would reach his normal weight, gain some strength, and move on like none of this had ever happened to him. She, on the other hand, wouldn’t forget so easily. Neither would Eric, judging from the way he looked at Riku.

  “He does resemble you, you know. In his eyes. He has kind eyes. And his smile. While he doesn’t do it so often, he always reminds me of you when he does. And look at those long fingers...the fingers of a surgeon, perhaps?”

  “Or someone who will, eventually, inherit Hart Properties.”

  “I suppose I never thought of that.”

  “Well, in my experience, we show him a world full of options and let him decide for himself.”

  “Because of your dad?”

  He shook his head. “No. Because I’m Riku’s dad and I want him to have the life he wants, not the life I want for him.”

  “What about you? What about the life you want?”

  “I think I might be in transition again.”

  “Really? Does that include going back to surgery?”

  “It might.”

  She was so excited she wanted to jump up and down but, instead, she grabbed him and planted a fast, hard kiss on his lips. “That’s where you belong, you know. And if there’s anything I can do to help you with this... Eric, I’m so happy for you.”

  “It’s not final,” he said, trying not to sound too downbeat, at least until he’d talked to hospital admin to see if they’d take him back or not. “Right now I’m just enquiring. And there’s the corporation to consider. I’ve got to put it in competent hands. So...”

  “So, if you want it, you’ll make it work. You know, what Polonius said.”

  “What Polonius said.” He adjusted the IV tube running to Riku’s arm, and by that time Riku was already half-asleep. “Maybe we should go?”

  “But he really wants to get out of the crib,” Michi told Eric. “And after the doctors make their rounds, maybe I’ll be able to do that?”

  “Not yet. Riku’s got a long recovery period ahead of him, and this is where we all really need to play by the rules. That includes me.”

  She spun to face him. “Sometimes I hate rules. I wonder who made the rules. Maybe I should go talk to them.”

  Eric laughed. “Actually, in this hospital, when it comes to pediatric cardiac surgery, I made the rules.”

  “Seriously? You made rules that hold me back from my son?”

  �
�Seriously,” he said, smiling.

  “Then maybe you need to go back to being a surgeon just so you can change those rules or modify the penalty if I choose to break them. Because that’s what I’m going to do, Eric. Break your rules.”

  “Somehow I never thought you wouldn’t.” He bent down, picked up a very squiggly Riku and placed him in Michi’s arms. “And if anybody catches you, I’ll deny everything.”

  “Except holding him right after I do. You’re not going to deny yourself that, are you? So, while we’re breaking the rules, let’s talk about you and me.”

  “Are you sure you’re ready for that?” he asked.

  “No. But I’m not sure I’m not ready.” She sat in the rocking chair, held Riku close to her chest, and started to rock. “So, where do we begin?”

  * * *

  An hour later, they were still talking, but Eric was the one in the chair holding Riku now. “I don’t want to be the dad who’s always on the plane, Michi. I want to be the one who’s always there.”

  “Which would have me living in New York. Especially if you go back to the hospital.”

  “But you don’t want to live in New York, do you?”

  “Because I have family in Sapporo, Eric. Riku needs them, and I need them.”

  “And I have no family here.”

  “I don’t want to hurt you again, which is why we have to do this now, before we both go jumping off in wrong directions once more. We have a son in the balance and what we do will always be a part of him. The directions we take, the attempts to be inclusive. Personally, I can give up my medical practice just like that.” She snapped her fingers. “And if keeping Riku with his father means relocating to New York, I can do that as well.”

  “But you don’t want to.”

  “Personally, no. I don’t. But for Riku...”

  “Would you want me in Japan, Michi? You’ve come up with ideas, but none have me moving to Japan.”

  “Because your life is here. Your company, your surgical practice, that mansion. It’s a big life, Eric. One you won’t have in Japan. And I don’t know if that will make you happy. You may think so right now, but what happens in four or five years when you have second thoughts? Or your company needs you again? How do you manage that?”

  “If I’m happy where I am, there’s nothing to manage. That’s all I want for the three of us, Michi. Someplace to be happy, and not necessarily someplace in a geographical place as much as emotional one. For me, it’s not about what surrounds me. For you, it is...namely, your family.”

  “You’d move to Japan for my family?”

  “No, for my family.”

  Michi nodded, because she had nothing to say. They’d talked this out until there were no more words to speak. It was difficult, wanting the same thing yet not knowing how to come around to get it. She wanted what was best for him. He for her. And both of them wanted everything good for Riku. So it should have been an easy thing to figure out. But it wasn’t, and she was frustrated. “Look, I’m going to take a walk and clear my mind. I’ll be back in a few.”

  But her walk took her no farther than right around the corner, where she stopped and leaned against the wall. And that was where she waged her own mental battle. She loved Eric. She wanted to spend her life with him. She was willing to move to New York for him. And he...loved her on that same level, with the same arguments. The problem was, there was no middle ground here. And they desperately needed middle ground. Something that would build the bridge that would truly carry one to the other. Something other than Riku.

  “Do you love me, Eric?” she asked, walking back into the room. Riku was back in his crib now, and Eric was standing at the window, gazing out at the sky. “I know you said you do, but do you really?”

  “I fail at love, Michi.”

  “How?”

  “I have women who want me for my money, for my looks, my prestige. But no one who’s ever wanted me for me. It’s a fact of my life, and for me to tell you I love you would always make you wonder where and when I’ll mess it up. Can I stay with it? Forget my past? Move on? Be what I want to be and not what I’ve always been?”

  “Your father?”

  “My father. His father. It’s all the same.”

  “Which seals Riku to that destiny.”

  “No. We can’t let that happen.”

  “But if it’s a family predisposition, as you seem to think, how can we stop it? How can we keep him from falling into that same line? Because, according to your logic, he will. It’s inevitable.”

  He turned to face her. “We keep him from falling into that line by being the parents he needs us to be. Not by being the parents we think we should or should not be.”

  “And we can do that in a barge or a warehouse flat in Hackney in London, if that’s the compromise you want to make to keep us together as a family. The where and how don’t matter. But the three of us being together does. When I told you I love you, I meant it. It’s been growing, and we haven’t exactly had normal time to develop it. But you feel that way about me, too, don’t you?” she asked.

  “Seriously, Hackney? I wouldn’t have expected that of you.”

  “What do you expect of me, Eric?”

  “I don’t suppose I know, other than the part where, yes, I do love you, and also that you’re the best mom...or mum if we move to London, any child could ever have.”

  “And there is our start.”

  “Well, when you make it sound so simple...”

  “But it is simple, Eric. We start with what we have and build on that. No couple ever starts out with everything. We have some communication problems. And, yes, some of the past may come back from time to time. But we have Riku, which makes us the luckiest couple in the world. And while he can’t be our starting place, he can be our inspiration that when we’re good together, we can do great things. We already have.”

  “And the lady hits one out of the park,” he said, smiling.

  “Because the lady needs to know.”

  “Then I’ll be honest. I want this, and I need it. And I’m willing to do whatever it takes to make it work, including living on a barge, if that’s what works for us. I do love you, Michi, but is that enough? Because, believe it or not, my needs are about as simple as they come.

  “I don’t want the grand lifestyle. Don’t want the things that were important to my father, but I’m always going to live with the fear that I might turn into him. You’ve got to know that because that fear can cloud my judgment. It did when I wanted to reach out to you so many times in the past. And it’s a battle I can’t fight alone because I don’t see it in myself. Or maybe I always see it in myself, even when it’s not there.”

  “I can fight the battle with you. If you fight the one with me that makes me want to tackle the world alone. I used to think I could do it, but it’s hard, and it wears me down. But what happens when I hit my stride again? Because I don’t want to push you away like I did before. I want to keep you close, where you belong. What if I can’t do that, though?”

  “Then you turn to me.”

  “It really is a big leap for both of us, isn’t it?” she asked.

  “Maybe if we simply hold hands and walk to the edge of the cliff together...”

  “It’s a long way down if we mess up.”

  He chuckled. “I can handle heights if you can because I love you, Michiko Sato.”

  “And I love you, Eric Hart.”

  “But, seriously, a barge in Hackney? Maybe we could compromise on a warehouse flat overlooking someone’s docked barge.”

  “You don’t like water?” she asked him.

  “Actually, I own this yacht...”

  “Seriously, a real yacht?”

  “Well, a yacht and a sailboat.”

  “Anything else?”

  “Some camels, a few windmills, a lake
, a couple of Monets, an Indy race team, a football team...” He smiled. “An old bicycle I used when I was a kid that I’d love to fix up for Riku when he’s old enough. Oh, and a pony.”

  “You own a pony?”

  “Not yet, but every kid needs one, don’t you think? And if you play your cards right, I might get you one, too.”

  “And what do I have to do to get this pony?”

  “Just love me.”

  “I do. From the first moment I laid eyes on you. Then after you gave me my miracle...”

  “Then if you love me, will you live with me in...?” He grinned. “Not Hackney.”

  “New York?”

  He shook his head. “In the mountains outside Sapporo there’s a beautiful little cabin that needs happiness and life breathed back into it. It backs into the most beautiful area in which to ski, a nice trip for the weekend in the winter. A beautiful place to be in the autumn. I want Riku to know that place. To know us as a family in that place. It’s part of his heritage, Michi. And it’ll be a great place to kick back and let him teach me to speak Japanese.”

  “Are you sure?”

  “Earlier, when I was still a doctor with hopes and dreams, and I’d just met you, I’d wondered if we could be more than a one-night stand. You were this amazing, smart lady who knew her place in the world. And you had so much passion for your medical practice. People respected you. I saw that in the way everyone responded to you at the seminar. And here I was, this loner who might have been good at his job but who wasn’t very good at life, hoping that things could take a different turn. Maybe even with you.